Monday, March 06, 2006

The Truth About Cats and Dogs: According to Neuropolitics.org, conservatives tend to own dogs, and liberals prefer cats. (via Kevin Drum) For some reason this makes perfect sense, although I can't put my finger on exactly why. But most conservatives I know love dogs and hate cats. The opposite is true for most of my liberal friends.

I'm a cat person, myself. Cats are smart, quiet, clean, quiet, low-maintenance, and much quieter than dogs. And cats have attitude. They make you earn their love.

Dogs, on the other hand, are smelly, loud, and dumb. The only type of dog I can stand is a Labrador retriever, because you can train them to stay quiet. Plus, they make good hunting dogs.

Does that make me more liberal? No, it just means that I had a cat while I was growing up, and not a dog. Funny, because my family is much more socially and politically conservative than I am. So the trend has its exceptions, but it's probably a trend for a reason.

Some of those reasons, I'm sure, are just practical. Conservatives tend to live in the suburbs and rural areas, which are great places for dogs. Liberals are often stuck in the city, and you don't want to coop up a dog in your studio apartment, so libs get house cats. But we're being too nice in our speculation. Let's have some fun with this stereotype.

• Dogs are mindlessly obedient and develop a pack mentality without questioning authority.


• Cats are selfish animals with a superiority complex. They can never be satisfied, no matter how much you give them.


• Dogs eat up their own shit. And like it.


• Cats place a dead rat on your bed and expect you to be pleased.


• Dogs growl and bark angrily at anyone or anything that is unfamiliar.


• Cats will never do anything for anyone else, ever.


• Dogs bark and howl all day and all night just to hear their own voices.


• Cats are lazy and good for nothing.


• Dogs chase cars. I can't make this into an analogy for real-life politics, but it shows that they're not very smart.


• Cats lick themselves to stay clean. That's kinda gross.

So, I guess it depends on what you prefer: Fierce loyalty from a dog, or the magical ability of cats to instinctively know what the litter box is for. I know my choice, but the house where I live doesn't allow pets.